There are a few occasions in a man's life that leave no doubt in the minds of those around him that he is of another time. In his prime long before current technologies that are now taken for granted. Old enough to have partied like it's 1999...when it actually was 1999. For any man, these occasions are light bulb moments, preceding a despondent slumping of the shoulders, and the subsequent trip to Big W to buy comfortable slippers and chequered pyjamas, both of which may be worn in public.
The moments I speak of are minor things that begin a downward spiral ending in death, or even worse, the kind of dementia that makes you say sexually inappropriate things to women 60 years younger.
Physically, the first grey hair represents the transition into looking like your grandfather. I thankfully, have yet to be cursed with the follicular version of 1950s television. No, my moment was much worse.
There is also the moment a man realises that modern music is stupid and does not compare to the wondrous tones of great musicians of 90s Grunge and 80s Pop era. And of course Whitney Houston actually could sing without coughing up a lung. Now I'm not saying that I think the likes of Rhianna, Kes$ha and every other mass produced modern pop icon are anything more than cash cows for studio executives. Just that I appreciate that there are some great current artists. No, this is also not my sin.
I don't check to see what's on Fox Classics before switching to the news. I don't assume every young teen wants to vandalise my house. I wish it were that simple. No, I have condemned myself to old age by muttering one little sentence.
"You know what's wrong with your generation?"
It slipped out. People heard. My shoulders slumped.
Then I realised something. I can argue this. If I can prove my hypothesis to the group of Gen Ys around me, the opinion of a middle aged man angry at getting old would become an insightful look at why Gen Y is ruining the world. (That may have seemed harsh, but if I was to pull this off I knew I had to be extreme)
So here's the situation as I see it.
Those that lived during World War 1 and the Great Depression (The Lost Generation) or were of service age in World War 2 (The Greatest Generation) gave everything of themselves for their countries asking for very little in return. They experienced depths of poverty that is now unthinkable in the developed world. The children of World War 2 (The Silent Generation) rebuilt nations destroyed by war and created the platform for some of the worlds most prosperous times. Baby Boomers, also of a time of families broken by war, are fast establishing themselves as a generation devoted to their children's success above their own. In the absence of any great national need, they redirected their generosity internally. This created Generation X. My generation. Although hard working and driven, believe they are entitled to a life time of parental assistance, some to the point of reliance. Looking back, the guy that once asked me "You know what's wrong with your generation?" may have been on to something.
And so we arrive at Generation Y and Z. If Gen X are guilty of expecting everything from their parents, Gens Y and Z seem to be taking it to a new level. Expecting everything from everyone. Gen Y could be defined by a sense of entitlement.
The existence of such a thing as Twitter suggests a level of self absorption that even the makers of the Viva paper towel would envy. The idea that someone thinks I care what they had for breakfast is an embarrassment to the human race. Which brings me nicely to my next rant.
Writing '..is bored', as a status update on a social network site displays the intelligence equivalent of that monkey who picks his butt, smells it, and falls out of his tree. (which is obviously hilarious)
Like it or not, facebook has single-handedly transformed the developed world. However the constant need to be in contact with everyone is creating a generation with the attention span of fish. Incapable of being more than a metre from iphones just in case a 'friend' updates their status with some witty remark about nothing important.
It is the next big drug.
And there are a generation of addicts.
There is also another addiction affecting the young. Credit. A culture of spending on luxuries with the assumption that enough money can be made over the long term to cover the debt. Where saving is a dirty word and having everything can mean owning nothing. Economies destroyed worldwide on the back of excessive debt.
But maybe they are onto something with this one. If I may digress.
Late last year I made the last repayment on my home, becoming basically debt free. The moment coincided with a sudden decline in motivation at work, and the feeling that I'd rather be doing anything but work. I realised that having no debt hanging over my head released a pressure valve that once kept all my motivation safely locked in. Alternatively, I wonder if I never really enjoyed my career, but the desperate need for money created a subconscious so powerful to actually convince me otherwise. Either way, I'm certain I was happier at work when I had to be there to service my debt.
I can only then conclude that Gens Y and Z will experience levels of job satisfaction and happiness beyond anything I could ever contemplate. It may be true that money can't buy happiness, but could it be possible that debt can? Only time will tell.
So there you have it. Irrefutable evidence. That's right. Irrefutable.
There is no crack in the logic. No counter claim that can be made. The jury is out.
Irrefutable evidence that I have in fact taken my first step to becoming a cranky old man.
Now if you don't mind it's 730 at night, and I'm off to bed.
Where are my slippers?
